JUST*IN TIME HIV ADVICE COLUMN'S MOTHER'S DAY SPECIAL EDITION by A&U Magazine

Just*in Time: May 2013 by Justin B. Terry-Smith

 

Photo by Don Harris © Don Harris Photographics, LLC. All rights reserved

 

Hello Justin,

I do admire you so much! I added you as a friend [on Facebook] but never wanted to patronize you by coming up with clichés.

I’m an African woman living in the U.K. I have a big family as you can imagine…and I have a cousin who I have supported since he lost his father at the age of eight years. I’m turning forty this August and, for me, he’s the son I was meant to have even though I’m only eleven years older than him. I knew he was gay before he realized it himself. But I let him be so that he could find his own way.

From his first experience, he contracted HIV; now the challenge is saving him! I’m doing my best—he’s ok as he’s on a therapy that is, for now, supporting his immune system! Unfortunately, in our family, there’s no room for a gay man let alone one with HIV! I love my little cuz, and I will support him till the end of my life (I’m constantly researching new discoveries!). I’m here for him and I’m glad you are here for everyone…keep being you and be the best you can be! But don’t forget to live. Anything I could do to give him more support?

—Hannah xoxo

Let me first say thank you so much for being so real with me in your approach. It is amazing to see someone who has taken this young man and stood in as one of his parents when he had none.

They say that usually mothers know about their child’s sexuality even before the child does. My parents did the same with me. They knew I was gay but let me find my own way in my own sexuality.

I’m very sorry that he contracted HIV, and I’m glad you do not feel guilty about it. My parents, I know, felt guilty when they were informed I was HIV-positive. I told them that they did nothing wrong and that they had nothing to do with my contracting HIV.

By therapy I think you mean treatment and this is good. Remember, though, that he needs to stay on that treatment and he might want to seek out a counselor or someone to talk to when he feels a little depressed.

Family can be tough at times. Remember to be there for him and make sure he knows that you are there for him. He might not want to talk about it now with you, but he will eventually come around. When my mother was told about my HIV status I hadn’t had a chance to tell her myself. It turns out my own cousin told her mother, who told my mother.

I got a phone call from my family with all of them crying on speaker phone. They asked me sobbing, “Do you have AIDS? We heard you had AIDS!”

I replied, “No I do not have AIDS.”

 

They asked again, “Justin do you have HIV?”

Then I replied, “Yes I have HIV.”

They started crying even more.

I told them, “You have to be strong with me and not cry for me.”

After that moment they stopped crying and started supporting. For example, my mother and other family members sponsor me for the Washington, D.C. AIDS Walk/5K. They call to check up on me and they still treat me the same as if I didn’t have HIV.

For more support I would suggest that he find a support group. Depending on age/race, etc., he might feel more comfortable with a certain demographic. The analogy that I made up is “Being with others in the same boat might make you want to paddle faster to get to your destination.” It might help him stick to his treatment regimen and keep his doctor’s appointments,as well.

It sounds like you love him like a mother would and I think that is fantastic. Happy Mother’s Day!

 

Justin B. Terry-Smith has been fighting the good fight since 1999. He’s garnered recognition and awards for his work, but he’s more concerned about looking for new ways to transform society for the better than resting on his laurels. He started up in gay rights and HIV activism in 2005, published an HIV-themed children’s book, I Have A Secret (Creative House Press) in 2011, and created his own award-winning video blog called, “Justin’s HIV Journal”: justinshivjournal.blogspot.com. Now, with this column, Justin has found a way to give voice to the issues that people write to him about. Visit his main Web site at www.justinbsmith.com. He welcomes your questions at jsmithco98@hotmail.com.

Justin's HIV Journal: Justin talks about Raw Sex, Roulette Parties, HIV/AIDS & BDSM

Justin's HIV Journal: Justin talks about Raw Sex, Roulette Parties, HIV/AIDS & BDSM

Justin's HIV Journal: Justin on The Guys At Brunch Show talking about L...

This is the show Guys At Brunch I was on the show back in 2011. It was amazing but I love these guys so I had to post it here

The Guys at Brunch was formed to bring engaging intellectual conversation to family and friends everywhere around the brunch table. We tackle issues dealing with the gay community, in hopes to stimulate converstation and promote a better understanding of our LIFESTYLE. Please be sure to leave a comment, whether the comments are positive or negative we're just glad that you took the time to check us out. Be sure to follow us on Facebook (Guys at Brunch) and Twitter (@guysatbrunch).

HOSTS WITH THE MOST

SHAWN BRADLEY
Born and raised in Louisiana, his no nonsense attitude coupled with his southern charm makes for one compelling individual. He served five years in United States ARMY as a Morse Code Operator. He is a budding comedian. Download his debut comedy album titled "A Bottom Like Me" on iTunes. Second album coming soon. Shawn Bradley believes that if we can't agree to disagree then there's nothing to discuss.

NICHOLAS G
A lifelong native of Baltimore Maryland, Nicholas is an idealistic activist when it comes to issues dealing with equality and he prides himself on being an outspoken advocate for Gay Rights. When not spending 36 hours a week working on G@B, Nicholas is also a student whose focus of study is towards Psychology and Sociology. While Nicholas may hotly debate Shawn on points and issues, its all part of Nicholas, subversive mission to re-educate society about how to argue in a civilized manner. Follow Nicholas on facebook Guysatbrunch

Justin's HIV Journal: Antoine Dodson Renounces Homsexuality

YouTube pseudo celebrity Antoine Dodson has publicly renounced homosexuality, announcing on Facebook and TMZ that he has become a "True Chosen Hebrew Israelite descendant of Judah," is "no longer into homosexuality" and now wants a wife.....GURL PLEASE!!!



Dodson who now reads the Bible faithfully said to Huffington Post
"It's not praying the gay away because it can be lifted,"...... "If you really want to change your life, and just get rid of it, then you can. And that's what I'm doing. I'm not saying I don't have the memories of my past, because I do, and I see it everyday in my mind. But I'm trying to move away from that and become a better person. That's all."

Dodson added that he has always been attracted to the "art of a woman" but that he mistakenly "tried to actually be that instead of being with that," describing his gay days as "dumb."

Antoine every gay man can appreciate the "art of a woman" doesn't mean you are attracted to that art sexually, mentally, or physically enough to be with a woman or that you should be.

"When you get older and you get mature, things in your life change," he said, adding that he would like a wife and children in the future.

LMAO

Still, Dodson says he is "unashamed of his homosexual past".

"I want people to see my past," he said to the Post. "I want them to see me and see what I was delivered from."


He explains to TMZ reporters, "I could care less about the fame and fortune, I've giving all that up to know the true history of the bible. For I am the True Chosen Hebrew Israelite descendant of Judah."

FYI -- the Hebrew Israelites (also known as the Black Israelites) believe they are the descendants of the ancient Israelites ... but they don't consider themselves as "Jewish." They also believe that Satan exists.

As for Dodson, he explains, "As True Israel I know that there are certain things we just can't do. And I totally understand that now. I don't need a Mercedes Benz, I don't need a big house in Beverly Hills all I need is the Most High and my family (Israel). I have been awaken by the great and so should you."

He concludes, "Hate me if you must, bash me if you must, I won't break, do what you will, for this is my calling."

This is the video that made Antoine Dodson Famous



Man this media who__ this unbelievable he is honestly in my opinion wanting attention and this is only because Jason Collins come out and since his star is fading he is trying to piggyback on that. For him to use the bible as justifying why he turning "Straight" is appalling. You are who you are Antione sorry gurl. Of course some in the gay community want him to be straight so he isn't apart of our community at all. Let me for one say that he is not a good representation of a gay black man.

Quote from a LGBT Minister Dr. Raymont Anderson
" As a minister, I renounce the ideas that people like Antoine promote as they misrepresent the bible, Christianity, etc. Where to begin... being a member of the LGBT community is something you are born into not something you choose to be. And yes there are people who do choose to pretend or experiment with being gay just like I know people who claim to be Hispanic when in fact they are not, they think it's cool to claim the heritage though... Also this idea that the bible is against homosexuality is also erroneous as well as misrepresented. If you are going to condemn homosexuals based upon the bible then you should just as ardently condemn those who eat pork, shrimp, have tattoos, and piercings among others! So much I could say about this.. however I will simply say that it seems to me that this young man is confused, misinformed, and possibly seeking media attention to fan the flames of 'stardom' ..."

Read more: http://www.tmz.com/2013/05/03/antoine-dodson-renounces-gay/#ixzz2TIucIPNO

Visit the TMZ Store: http://tmzstore.com

News from news sources TMZ and Huffington Post

Justin's HIV Journal: "Little Feet, Big Steps" A children's AIDS Walk book

"Little Feet, Big Steps" follows a young girl named Gabby through her discovery of what it means to bring communities together and be apart of something big. Gabby turns to family, friends and neighbors to raise money for her local AIDS WALK. Through this experience Gabby realizes she can help make a difference in a big way for people who are living with AIDS, just by walking and raising money. "Little Feet, Big Steps" is meant to encourage, motivate and inspire children, their age does not have to impact their dreams and wishes of making a difference. 

"I brought this book for my daughter after a colleague recommended it to me. The author has a very appealing approach demonstrating to children what it means to take a stand for a belief. My daughter thoroughly enjoyed the book and have seen her read through it a few times by herself. I would pass it along to a friend"
Lucia Strojnik

"What an adorable story and great pictures... this is a great way to teach kids how to give back... I can't wait to see what other adventures Gabby will have."
A sad kindle owner

"This is a great book for preschool and early elementary school kids. Wonderful story about a little girl and the Aids Walk."
Barry S Cohn

"Brit Sharon is a power house for inspiration, creativity and leadership. Only in her early 20's, Brit has accomplished more than many of my closest friends. Little Feet, Big Steps is the perfect example of where children's books are and should be headed. It is a story filled with fictional fun and the harsh realities of life. Brit is a leader and we need more leaders like her. Please read, share and talk about this book. Give your child and community the opportunity to find their greatness just as Brit Sharon has found hers."
Gamal Palmer

"Although considered a children's book, the story line is inspiring for any age group. Brit Sharon beautiful unfolded this story through wonderment and determination. This book is the catalyst for children and people everywhere to make a difference. I am looking forward to other adventures that Brit will take Gaby on..."
Sydney Grossman, CEO of A Slice of PR

"I'm so glad I found this book for my daughter. its so inspiring and had her want to sign up for a walk. She's now going to do relay for life at her school! LOVE THIS!"
Charlene Wee

"Little Feet, Big Steps is a cute book with a powerful meaning behind it. It is a great childrens' story, and may even motivate them to get up and be a part of a charitable event themselves. It's all about taking action in your local communities and making a difference."
Kevin

"This book is truly amazing.  I loved the storyline.  It really give children pride to be able to do something for people in their own community.  I hat is off to the author and illustrator.  The book was great to read and my 16 year old even loves.  Thank you so much for paving the way for future activist and world leaders"
Justin B Terry-Smith

Justin's HIV Journal: First Lady Michelle Obama Speaks to the USDA

I haven't told anyone but I had to take a break from school.  So I'll be going back in June hopefully.  I injured my foot so I couldn't play kickball anymore, and I just had to take a break from a lot of things.  I even took a leave of absence from my motorcycle Club, The Centaurs.  A Master in Public Health takes a lot of time and work. 

Watching and listening to Michelle Obama gave me a since of proud and appreciation for the hard work she puts in everyday.  She truly inspired me to keep going.  One of her many goals are more nutritional food of school lunches and children in general.  I find that goal admirable I think she is amazing. 

Public Health is very important to me.  Food has a lot to do with Public Health.  One of the courses I took was Environmental Health it truly goes with what I do now.  I needed to see her speak to realize that what I do matters and it helps motivate me to be the best I can be in Public Health.

Justins HIV Journal: How To Put On A Condom

1. CHECK THE EXPIRATION DATE!!

2. Make sure the condom is pushed to the opposite you are opening it

3. Open condom wrapper but remember the condom can be torn by sharp objects. Only put on condom after there is a partial or full erection.

4.  Make sure there is no air trapped inside a condom because that may cause it to break. Squeeze the tip of the condom with your fingertips to leave some extra space in the tip, and put on condom, rolling the entire condom down to the base of the penis, still pinching the top. Be sure that the roll is on the outside.

5. Make sure the condom stays in place during sex; if it rolls up, roll it back into place immediately. If the condom comes off, withdraw the penis and put on a new condom.

6. After ejaculation has occurred, while fully erect pull out while holding the condom.  Put the condom in a tissue and place it in the trash.

7. DO NOT FLUSH CONDOM, UNLESS YOU WANT TO CALL A PLUMBER ;-)

SPECIAL THANK YOU TO BRYAN COLLINS 
& PATRICK from POZITIVE LIFE OF PATRICK

http://pozlifeofpatrick.wordpress.com/
http://www.youtube.com/pozlifeofpatrick

HIV Advice Column Just*in Time: April 2013 from A&U Magazine: America's AIDS Magazine

  HIV Advice Column 

JUST*IN TIME

April 2013 from 

A&U Magazine: 

America's AIDS Magazine

 
Justin
I am struggling because I recently found out that my boyfriend tested positive for HIV during our relationship. It has been six months to date since this happened & I am still dealing with the situation mentally. When I first got the news I was getting tested every two weeks and about two months ago I have limited it to once a month. All of my tests have been negative, but, for some reason, I am dealing with anxiety issues to the max. I feel like every symptom is there and I’m having it. I don’t understand why I can’t move on from this. Getting tested should be helping me but it just takes me back to the same place I was when I first got the news. Maybe you can give me some words of wisdom and encouragement that will help me to move past this & move on. Oh, and now I’m terrified to have sex. I don’t sleep around I was always in a relationship so I don’t understand why me…so maybe you can help.
—Monique

Let me start out by saying that you have to stay strong. It is very hard getting out of this stage. The not knowing can be very tough to get through, but you can get through this and you will get through this.

Whether or not the test ever comes back positive or remains negative, you will be okay. HIV most of the time will take longer than two months to show up in any blood test. I don’t know what symptoms you might have but I’m going to guess that you are questioning just about everything that might be happening to your body right now. The key is to stay calm, and don’t worry until there is something to worry about.

Also, you must feel very betrayed right now—that I understand—but we must put attention where it would benefit everyone and that is on the virus. We need to blame the virus and not others. I suggest therapy as well, because it does truly help you move forward. Yes, there might be a time period where you are afraid to have sex with anyone, but in time that might pass. A lot of people have the misconception that HIV only infects people who are promiscuous which is NOT the case. People in “monogamous” relationships can be infected with HIV as well. Stay strong, Monique, be calm and keep in mind this motto that has always helped me get through life: Worry about the things you have control over and do not worry about the things you do not. Be brave, baby. Hugs and kisses!

Justin—
Justin, I think I could learn a lot from you. I seldom disclose my status to anyone, including a few that I’ve had “close encounters” with. I’m in fear of doing so. Although, the few times that I have told my partners about it, they replied, “Don’t worry, I have it to.” Unfortunately, the disease affects more than we give it credit for….
Back to me—I’m afraid of being alienated by my family and friends. I’ve lived with this for twelve years now, so you think I would be comfortable with it. Anything that you have to share with me would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, Justin.
—Chad

I understand about only disclosing to those who you are intimate with. Fear is the ultimate enemy. In the 1980s–90s and even now people are afraid of losing their jobs, friends, family, and their very lives if they disclose their status. I’ve always been the kind of guy to stand up for what I believe in even if that means losing people I love. I would start small by telling someone who you know. The more you tell people the easier it gets. I’m not saying, shout it from the rooftops, but maybe we should start with a whisper. When you throw the tiniest pebble in a pond, it makes ripples. But those ripples expand throughout the pond. If they have a problem with it remember it is those people who have the problem and not you. SMOOTCHIES


Justin B. Terry-Smith has been fighting the good fight since 1999. He’s garnered recognition and awards for his work, but he’s more concerned about looking for new ways to transform society for the better than resting on his laurels. He started up in gay rights and HIV activism in 2005, published an HIV-themed children’s book, I Have A Secret (Creative House Press) in 2011, and created his own award-winning video blog called, “Justin’s HIV Journal”: justinshivjournal.blogspot.com. Now, with this column, Justin has found a way to give voice to the issues that people write to him about. Visit his main Web site at www.justinbsmith.com. He welcomes your questions at jsmithco98@hotmail.com.

COLUMN CAN BE FOUND AT
 http://aumag.org/wordpress/?p=6551

Justin's HIV Journal: The Biohazard Tattoo & HIV Stigma

Last week I thought long and hard about the reason why someone would get a bio-hazard tattoo on their body, and then I asked myself why I would get one.   I decided I would get a Biohazard tattoo not because I wanted to feel better about myself being HIV positive, but it was because I felt for the people that couldn't be open about their status.  There are many reasons why a person cannot be open about their status; it could be because of their family, friends, partner/s, fear of persecution, death etc.  But a lot of these reasons come from Stigma.  Stigma of how one is treated when being open about their HIV status is very much alive and well.  I got this tattoo for those mentioned above to help fight against HIV stigma.

I'm not proud to be HIV positive but I'm proud that I can be open about my status and stand up to the faces of adversity.  This is my part that I can do and I'm not ashamed that I did it.  There are many activists that do not like the idea of this tattoo and that is okay but know that I did this not for myself but for others who cannot be open about their HIV status. Also I feel that doing this does open up the room for discussion.  From what I hear from others that have this very tattoo representing their HIV positive status, it actually opens up people to dialog about HIV and about their own status.  I also feel that people asking questions about HIV will better help with education.  I wear the tattoo but the tattoo does not wear me.

Supreme Court Prop 8 and DOMA Rally

I work in downtown Washington DC and I love it.  But recently did you know that DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) and Prop 8 is having a hearing at the Supreme Court to determine whether or not they are constitutional.  Lets first start with the facts shall we?

PROP 8: is a California state constitution amendment which passed in late 2008 in there state elections. 

Proposition 8 came directly from Proposition 22, which states that only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in the state of California.  BUT the Supreme Court of California decided in 2008 that Proposition 22 was unconstitutional which would leave up to the voters in late 2008 when they had their state elections.  Since California has a huge gay population with liberal alike people thought it would definitely turn in the liberals favor.  But alas it did not.  MORMONS, MORMONS MORMONS!!!!. (Not saying ALL Mormons are bad) Well hearing all this money was being secretly raised by those in the Mormon faith to ban same sex marriage in California once and for all.  Also the advocates for same sex marriage made one mistake as well.  People needed to take the message of same sex marriage outside the borders of cities that were already known to be liberal and start hitting more conservative parts of the state which did not happen. 

(PSSSTTT I was a canvasser for same-sex marriage in Maryland.  You know, going door to door advocating for it.  Well that's what we did hear in Maryland AND IT SEEMED TO WORK, point of reflection).

After the voted were counted in late November 2008 all in all the Proposition would add the amendment to California's constitution that only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California. BUT the U.S. District Court Judge Vaughn Walker overturned Proposition 8 on August 4, 2010 because of Perry vs. Schwarzenegger. The Honorable Judge Vaughn Walker decided that  Proposition 8 violated the Due Process and Equal Protection Clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.  Walker then filed that Proposition was not to be enforced until the appeal which would not be held until February 7th, 2012, when the circuit court ultimately agreed with Walker's ruling. Walker was also under scrutiny because he himself was gay, but was later to be excused because the law was unconstitutional which had nothing to do with Walker's sexuality.  But the court still said that no more marriages can take place until further appeals take place.  On June 5th 2012 was court denied hearing anymore cases on Proposition 8, so opponents of Prop 8 filed to request that the Supreme Court review the case, on July 30, 2012. On December 7, 2012, the Supreme Court granted the proponents' petition.  The Supreme Court is looking into if this is constitutional and heard arguments on March 26th, 2013.



DOMA: is a Federal law that restricts benefits and marriage recognition to ONLY opposite sex marriages in the United States.  Unfortunately, in 1996 the after passing both the houses in the U.S Congress the bill it was signed into law by one of my favorite President Bill Clinton.  The former President now regrets having signed DOMA into law and wishes he could take it back.  Both Bill and Hillary Clinton have gone on record in support of same-sex marriage.  One of the main problems with DOMA was Section 3.  Section 3 states that when it came to same-sex marriage federal benefits like insurance benefits for government employees, Social Security survivors' benefits, immigration, and the filing of joint tax returns are NOT recognized. 

After 8 years of a lack in leadership from Former President Bush, President Barack Obama was voted into office.  The Obama administration determined that Section 3 of DOMA was unconstitutional and said that it would not defend it in court.  Republican leaders decided to use the Dept of Justice to try to defend it in court, but Section 3 would be later found unconstitutional by 8 federal courts.  The main issues that people spoke on were issues including bankruptcy, public employee benefits, estate taxes, and immigration.  The Supreme Court on March 27th, 2013 heard arguments on both sides. 

WE WILL SEE IN LATE JUNE WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS WHEN THE SUPREME COURT MAKE THEIR DECISION ON DOMA AND PROP 8

Majority of Newly diagnosed HIV cases in Philadelphia already have AIDS

Every three years the CDC puts out its HIV Surveillance Report which gives a status on infection rates by city, state, region etc.  After the results of he report came out it was found that Philadelphia was ranked 24th among metropolitan area for new AIDS diagnosis.  Over 75% of new HIV cases found were actually stage 3 AIDS.  Currently there are about 12,000 people in Philadelphia living with HIV/AIDS. 

What do you think the problem is?  Are people not getting tested early enough?  Are people becoming complacent with HIV in general?

People are now living longer and longer with the HIV virus.  Some are still in the mindset that if they get HIV or put their selves at risk they can just take care of it later.  Well that is not the case.  Once you are infected with the HIV virus the best thing to do is to seek help/treatment.  The earlier you are able to get to a doctor the better.  Some people are afraid to get test because they are fearful of the results and HIV stigma.